IFS Creates Conscious Awareness

I was first introduced to IFS through a Byron Katie Retreat, where I met my therapist. I was wanting some help with inner child work. I felt that The Work, a process developed by Katie, wasn’t quite hitting the mark for what I was needing. I asked if any of the facilitators had experience with working with inner children, and my now therapist came forward to lead me in a different kind of experience, using IFS.

I was blown away. I got direct access to a 4-year-old part that I had known about, written poetry about, and lamented over for years. Here I was experiencing this part expressing itself explicitly to me. It was wonderful and cathartic, and I knew that I was onto something.

I’ve been doing IFS with her and as a therapist daily ever since. So, what does IFS have to do with building Conscious Awareness?

The 4-year-old part that I experienced is called an Exiled Part in IFS. This is a part that experienced trauma or overwhelm of some sort and had no way of processing it. As an exiled part “unburdens” itself and releases the thoughts/feelings/sensations/urges that it’s been holding on to for so long, it starts having direct access to our Core Self, the part of us that lies behind all of our trauma and difficulties. This is the part of us that is not wounded.

In the process of listening to and providing empathy for these Exiled Parts, this Core Self slowly expands. It begins to hold more and more of our experience. In IFS, there are Protector Parts, Managers, and Fire Fighters that kick into gear when Exiled Parts feel threatened. It’s like the Exiles provide the emotional energy for the Protector Parts to operate.

That 4-year-old in me is an example. As it began to unburden itself of its fears, traumas, and grief, this part lost some of its juice to fuel my Protector Parts, the parts that used anger or avoidance or anxiety to protect this younger part. Protector Parts are great at creating smoke screens of feelings and acting out that can keep us from experiencing an Exiled Part. They are quite ingenious and necessary, but that’s another blog.

When the Exiled part loses its emotional juice, the Protector Parts start to relax, and now we have more access to our Core Self. Over time, this makes us more tolerant, compassionate, and gentle with ourselves, others, and the world. It’s a beautiful process, and it’s predictable. It’s one of the main reasons that I love IFS. It is an emotional and spiritual process of evolution.

It’s not a slam dunk, however. It’s work. We learn over time to approach more and more of our parts, both Exiled and Protector Parts, with empathy, love, and compassion. This means allowing ourselves to feel difficult feelings, face difficult memories and traumas, and aspects of our personalities, like critics and self-destructive parts. It can be a difficult process. Facing ourselves and all of our wounds is not easy. As Engy Wook says about the Magic Mirror Gate in “The Never-Ending Story”, “Confronted by their true selves, most men run away screaming!” The good news is that with time in IFS, we are confronted by our true selves and our true wounds, and what we end up seeing is our own beauty.